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Nov. 16th, 2014

new hair and glasses

(no subject)

It's funny I photograph some of the most popular people in the world (almost daily) and yet I'm trying to figure how I'm going to make my bills this month and next month and MAYBE have enough left over for a single present a piece per kid. What hell is this? I can't win.

My flash just broke. My backup flash is beat up to hell and needs to be replaced and my two best lens are now in various arrays of broke or not focusing. I can't take the stress of it all lately. My car is two weeks past inspection needed and I have to have done tomorrow and my check engine light just popped on AGAIN. Last time it was a short....

I work absolutely non-stop. I've cut all corners I can. I never go out to eat, stopped gettingy nails done months ago, no new clothes, no shopping spree. I get one vacation a year that is an Xmas present from joes mom each year. Joe works non stop he's cut out all expenditures minus his gym membership same with me.

No matter what we can never ever ever get ahead. I'm in Preregistration for going back (updating) my degrees and getting another to possibly change my career while still keepingy lens active as much as possible. I'm just so tired of this.

Looking for a third job now. How the hell does someone work 75+ hours a week and still need more fn jobs. I guess no more free shoots on my calendar for a while sorry ahead of time.

I'm so defeated. :/

Sep. 21st, 2014

new hair and glasses

That tiny voice...

I wish that tiny voice in the back of my head when I'm doing photopost or writing or ... putting anything live on our site would just SHUT up. Tend to scour the internet and see all these other photos that have been taken at an event/concert and just rip mine all apart. I'm DAMN GOOD AT WHAT I DO.. cause I CARE and love what I do. If that stupid little voice could just kindly STFU I'd be a much happier gal.

Thanks.

Jun. 2nd, 2014

new hair and glasses

Still here

I will not abandon LJ at all. Sometimes when I'm this sad I NEED to vent. Sometimes ,very rarely, like now I just need to silently reflect and say. I've not forgotten you, my new and old friends. I'm just mending, or trying. ❤️️

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May. 29th, 2014

new hair and glasses

My birthday, my cousin, my windows

Birthday's for most are these joyous almost movie like days that create joy (sometimes false) and togetherness for all that witnesses it. At Chili's people come out clapping and singing, and other restaurants and establishments as well but this one sticks out. I've had a few of these really fun birthdays once or twice in my life. Usually filled with going to the beach and having a lot of family time. This time around it was mostly chaotic, a lot redundant, and the rest heartbreaking.

The extended weekend was nice we ended up at the dollar movies, the park, game nights,bbqs etc. Had some family bonding with most of the kids. The one is just floating in doing all the wrong things and I have only seen him a handful of times when he drops in to shower and leave. He didn't' even wish me a happy birthday, come home for my celebration, our bbq, not a darn thing. I guess being a Rastafari means being a complete dick. Though this morning when he woke up late at his friends and needed to get to school at 1030 he was banging on the front door to get in and get a ride.


But let me backtrack, I'll post and talk about the AWESOME day we had at crossfit with the whole fam in another post this one I need to vent. I had to go grocery shopping after a hell of a work week. I then had time off that was cut short and I was asked to do a shoot on my birthday. Money is money and I absolutely never ever have enough of it so I took the assignment. After said assignment (which I freaking adored!) I picked up little miss to go grocery shopping. Older brothers who are 15 and 16 can watch Jackson. Apparently this was a mistake for this day. They got in a fight and ended up throwing toys all around and one of them went through Jackson's bedroom window. UGH UGH UGH. Boys will be boys right? So today we are having someone come out and look and see what to do replace the glass part or if need a whole new window. Living on a budget this makes things HARD when stuff like this happens.

So I drive in from grocery shopping having spent hundredsssssss of dollars on food to see a window shattered out. That was a whole fiasco getting rest of the glass out and cleaning up, getting the whole story. Taking away all gaming systems until end of summer you name it. In the midst of getting this all done I get the most horrible phonecall you can get.... Cousin Jason after a long and courageous five year battle with a rare form of leukemia passed away.

This is my birthday. Couple years ago it was a music acquaintance that passed on my bday. A couple years before that I was burying my best friend and first love Warren on my birthday. This year, Jason passes on my birthday. He had a bone marrow transplant a few weeks ago and had been in the hospital ever since with a bad infection in several parts of his body. The chemo didn't seem to kill the new tumors like it should. His body started to deteriorate. The put in a feeding tube on Monday. Tuesday they had to put him on a ventilator his lungs could not keep up. Doctors said they weren't giving up last time he got this bad and pulled through. But this time they tried dialysis yesterday to help him clear the infection but he was just too weak. His body could not handle it and one by one his organs shut down and he passed. He never woke up from when they had to put him on the ventilator. I saw Marianne's name on my phone (that's his aunt and my ex-mom-in-law) we'd been texting back and fourth the past few days about what was going on with him but I knew as soon as she was calling what it meant.

When my husband left Jason sort of stepped in for the kids as the cool cousin who they could talk to and he was a smashing guy. He actually disowned my ex for leaving the kids like he did. My ex-husband has not been in my children's lives at all and only has met our youngest son twice. Long story I'd rather not get into and all the way for the best. But Jason chose the kids over that and it always made me admire him for it. Family is family but they are all family and you don't do that to fam period.

So I'm trying to celebrate my birthday. Got all the stuff for dinner I'm unpacking, as the last of the glass is getting pushed out of the frame to clean it up and the phone is ringing. Tears filled before I even answered. I knew.

The funeral is not this weekend but the next and as usual I never get to go home unless it's for a funeral. I'm having to CONVINCE my eldest son to even attend. My guess he'd rather stay at the drug den house up the street and be a rasta than actually deal with and or be a part of a family that has loved him from day one.

My birthday BLEW, minus the parts Joe and kids didn't do. Joe and the kids made me a wonderful dinner I attempted to eat and all other fun little things and I got some really grand bday gifts that any other time I'd be raving about but right now I'm just spent. I'm emotionally spent and in about an hour I have to leave to do a photoshoot and try to keep my stuff together. It's hard. This is the down side to my job I don't get to just "take off," the events are once in a lifetime things. I don't get paid leave, or regular time off, I have to push through.

In a few hours I'm going to hit pause and act like I can enjoy the night and really try to. I know Jason, or Warren, or anyone would not want me to be so sad I can't function. But tonight when I come home and I'm "Unpaused," I'm sure you will find me in a puddle in bed with tissues and a nice hot chocolate trying to remember the good times and wish the pain away.

RIP Jason. Love you. This is how I choose to remember you.

jason

May. 24th, 2014

new hair and glasses

(no subject)

Watching movies with the family SOMETIMES is nice. Were all in same room at least and for 2hrs there are little to no fights with the boys. I still have trouble with the boys will be boys. I teach my kids to not knock each other senseless but sometimes it all boils over and one steals the others dessert one too many times and Joe and I end up staring at one another and then pulling said boys apart. Tis life in having the brood we do.

Tonight we watched , "I, Frankenstein," something about B and C movies tickles my inner child. Just enough action to keep the kids interested and just enough truth in any teachings of the good vs evil to have it stay interesting for adults. Still a B-movie with some very cheesy parts but you KNEW that going in.

Before this it was, "Gravity," which I thought might be boring and her in space literally floating around the whole time. I won't spoil it but overall it was OK. There was not enough backstory to have me latch on and feel too much empathy for the child in the story. I think it had plot-holes galore, a very sparse crew, an under dramatic ending. Positive I love Clooney and Mrs.Bullock is always a powerful actress. Still so many awards and nominations for one of her IMO worst movies. Just no thanks. This is why I never go by The Oscars.

Point in key The Wolf on Wallstreet was one of the longest most boring "want to be goodfellas" pile of crap ever. Should have one for. best lack of editing in history. The movie was at least 45 minutes longer than it should have been. Crazy such powerful actors with such lackluster films giving amazing performance.

Sometimes love just isn't enough.
Sometimes powerful actors can't save a film.


Tomorrow it's children's birthday parties , photo post, and friends in from out of town. And I'm here at 2am unable to sleep. The house is a mess (to my standards...) I most definitely have a slight form of OCD I mean 7 of us live in this house and I expect it to be clean. Hard to have happen 100% of the time but I settle wit 90%. But like now I don't sleep until it's done.

Today I treated myself to a manicure and I love my new color. It's the little things right?

Off to clean then sleep. All caught up in journals. Guess I need more friends. Know any active users I should read??!!

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May. 16th, 2014

new hair and glasses

Cam Newton Foundation Kids Rock Gala shoot-

cama maureen
(iphone shot)

Tonight had more security around. I had to sign for a media badge and stand in a 2foot by 2foot area until I finally talked to some of the heads. See with what I do I have to get group shots and people shots, not just a few shots of Cam Newton or a few shots of Aloe Blaac. Both of whom I photographed tonight but everyone in attendance as much as possible. I got the shots I needed after I was granted all access to the event which was kind of fun and overwhelming all at the same time. Under Armor had a photographer and videographer out shooting a new commercial/promo with Cam and this night is going to be included. That is kind of fun to know I might pop up somewhere in another commercial. Lately that tends to happen to me a lot. But I was the ONLY photographer in Charlotte allowed on the floor. They had one news guy that was allowed in there for 5 minutes near the stage. Beyond that everyone was kicked out and there was me in my lonesome with the only camera in the house. It made me for ten seconds feel like a badass, and then I just came back to my normal level self and felt honored that I was able to catch these few minutes that no one else will. Ever.


Got to see Lukkkkkeeee, while I adore Cam, I really just love Luke. He's still very shy in larger settings and I don't know he is always nice and friendly and I like when they remember my name. It makes me feel less of a number with a camera to them. He was one of my very first shoots with the one magazine and he remembers me fondly because I was nervous about meeting this "guy" on the Panthers team who I heard was a beast and I ask HIM if he knew HIM. Yes, I was "that" person. I told him there was no way in hell he was Luke Kuechly because he was way too young he looked like he might have been a senior in highschool. I introduced myself and he turned around and showed me the name on his jersey. I thought it was a fan there to get his thing signed HAHA. Can't even make up that story. Every since then he always goes.. "What's your name again?" and winks then says Hey Dianna it's been a bit. I scream LUKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEE as soon as I see him to signal I remember his name and always will. It's pretty commical and very fangirl of me but really I just like the guys because I get to be a part of nights like tonight where in a span of two minutes they reaised almost $20,000 by giving away a little of their time to teach some moves to kids and guys a few days this summer. I got to watch a room full of extremely happy people sing and dance their behinds off tonight. Mostly I got to be a part of some Charlotte history in the making tonight and all the while I got to yield my camera and capture those moments forever.

When I can I'll share photos for now here is an instagram shot :)


Off to bed I have to be out of here at 6am for my next shoot in the morning! Urgh. I am off some of Sunday so I'll be sure to catch up then.
new hair and glasses

Philanthropy Wonderful of the Day.

This morning I had a photoshoot at the Duke Mansion it was for the magazine and covered The Humane Society of Charlotte. I've come to know and love these ladies. There is always a fur baby around that is to die for cute and smiles and tears are shed. I'm glad there wasn't a super sad video today of any tortured or abused animals. Instead they decided to focus on the "after." After they were found, after they were fed, after they were treated and loved. There was a dog there today who had a pink rolling wheelchair contraption. Decked out in pink and cheetah print no less. The most adorable little thing. Got to catch up with Kelly who I don't get to see enough and she is doing much better. She looks less stressed and back to her normal bubbly fun loving self. We mentioned doing lunch sometime soon and I just can't wait.

Today I got to see one of my philanthropy lovelies as I so lovingly like to call a group of individuals I see on the circuit a lot. Today's pick was Mrs. Maureen O'Boyle, many might know her from A Current Affair, Extra, a few movies, and now an anchor on WBTV. She works with numerous charities, including the American Red Cross, Assistance League of Charlotte, Second Harvest Food Bank of Metrolina, American Heart Association, Dress for Success, Community Blood Center of the Carolinas, and The Humane Society Charlotte chapterI on the other hand know her from photographing her a whole lot and sitting down here and there and swapping some stories of coming from a big family as opposed me having a big family. She is really one of those people when I first met I was afraid she might not be nice, or maybe "a diva," but all the stories of her being nice, down to earth, and just simply a peach were all true. Love seeing her on a shoot I know she will smile big for the camera help me with some shots of there are large celebs there she knows, and really I just like catching up with her and hearing all about her fam and fur-babies :)


This was us earlier today. Now I am in photopost until later on today and tonight is actually the Cam Newton, Kids Rock Gala. This should be fun. I'm slated to shoot the big afterparty. Should be a fun night. Just wish the weather wasn't so amazing, I want to be outside! After tonights shoot I have to come home charge the batteries and go to bed. I have a 5k/10k to photograph at 645am! :)

May. 15th, 2014

new hair and glasses

I am Rip Van Winkle...

Or at least for today I was. I'm nkt dealing with the food allergy, hormone injections, or oral pill consumption detox very well. It takes months to get out of the haze I swear. Last time it took about 6 weeks and I'm over here still on week one. Last time the doctor was going to give me medicine to curve the side effects. I had no idea your body thought of gluten like a drug. It excites the same places of the brain. The hormones are the hardest though. I've went off them a whole now or at least high dosages and here I am.

Today was not the gala that was tomorrow. Wooos. Shall I say gluten brain ;) today was a luncheon for The First Tee of Charlotte. I sincerely love that whole group. They just smile and do their work for the children. I'm so Enamored with them I'm signing up young Jackson for their summer teeny tots camp for the summer. I can get a grant to have him go and he will have something fun and rewarding to look forward to. Joe (his father) was about to go pro when he had Jon and he had to go to work nonstop instead. I wish he met me then. I would have made it work him going toward his real dream not having to give it all up. Having children you can have both. But his ex wife was so self centered IMO it was never about encouraging him it was about how are you going to pay for me to go get hammered. Etx.

Anyway I digress, I just wish he could have done that I know it's always a regret of his. Soon as jack showed any interest in golf he was over the moon. We shall see. Is love to be a part of the First Tee Family.

Jack also wants to do football this year. Lord help me. All the rest run and are great. I have very little time for work, or sleep while running them all over for this stuff but I'd have it no other way ❤️️

Luncheon this am.

Nkw I'm off to dye my hair and read journals when I'm done. Happy night. Ugh I'm so dn tired! So many shoots tomorrow.

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new hair and glasses

Sarcasm Queen

I think LJ covets sarcastic behavior. The quips and qualms of every person who interacts upon this vessel. And I like it, I like it a lot! I forgot about the 4chan stuff, the gifs of crazy fun things, and just overall it can be an pick me up fun haven to read silly things. Don't get me wrong I love the real journaling and issues, and day to day thing but today mostly on the what is trending page the comments are killing it funny!
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May. 13th, 2014

new hair and glasses

You'll get sick of me again I'm sure

Now that I'm active again, I actually am one of "those" who have added a reminder in my phone......

Who on your friends list do you think I will get along with? I'm easy to get along with honestly as long as someone isn't super preachy about what I can and cannot do with my body and isnt going to stalk me unless we mutually agree on said thing. ;)

Please let me know, seems most on my friends list have jumped ship!

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